


The Letter

by asheijiluvbot



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: M/M, Okumura Eiji's Letter, Pain, This hurts, angsty, asheiji, kinda soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 06:21:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28916010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asheijiluvbot/pseuds/asheijiluvbot
Summary: Eiji's letter to ash.
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Okumura Eiji, Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Kudos: 7





	The Letter

**Author's Note:**

> This hurts to write

Dear Ash

_oh how he wished he could hear his name come from eiji's mouth one more time. oh how he wished he could feel the softness from his tone run through his ears one more time. oh how he wished he could bask in the fact that someone as sweet as eiji believed his name was worthy of being said one more time. oh how he wished he could hear his voice one more time._

Ash —

I’m worried to death because I haven’t been able to see you doing well.

_worried to death, that's ironic, he laughed to himself. he clutched onto the folded piece of paper tightly as his chest rise and fell with each sharp intake of breath, this was the closest he was ever going to get to hugging the one he truly wanted to hold._

_silly eiji, you've never been able to see me well. as much as i would have loved for you to see in a different way, who i was are the memories you're stuck with. we both have to go on with that. i hope however, i get to see you well, enjoying your life back in japan, without me._

_ash knew this letter off by heart, he memorised each line, every mark of punctuation, every single dotted i and crossed t. he memorised all of it._

You said we live in different worlds. But is that true?

_more than you know my dearest eiji. we have two different existences, yours is one full of potential and love, i was doomed from the start. i was doomed to always be punished, doomed to be alone, doomed to suffer. but i'm okay with that. if it keeps you safe eiji, i would do anything._

We have different coloured skin and eyes. We were born in different countries.

_oh your eyes, i've always loved your eyes eiji. they're the deep shade of brown that makes a person feel warm inside, the shade that goes golden when the light hits them, the shade that reminds me of hot chocolate on a snowy day. i bet it snows a lot in japan, your home country, your home. i would have loved to share a day in the snow with you, exploring the place where you grew up, the place that moulded you into the incredible person i saw before me. i would have loved doing so many more things with you but you and i know that it was never meant to be this way. maybe i'm greedy for wanting you, every part of you, despite everything i've done but that doesn't stop me from missing you every single waking moment. hell, you're even in my dreams eiji, if you could call them that, though they're more like torture methods, reminding me every night that i want something that i can never have. maybe one day i'll have a dream where i made it there with you, to japan, maybe one day._

But we’re friends. Isn’t that what counts?

_ash held a small smile on his face as his mind mulled over the word 'friend'. i have always found it amusing that you chose to use the word friend in this letter, eiji, simply for the reason that you know we were more. though, i wont disagree with your choice of word, we were friends, we are friends. you sacrificed yourself for me time and time again eiji and for that i am eternally grateful, to you it may simply be something that 'friends' do, but to me, somebody who has never known kindness, it's so much more. maybe that's why i feel this way about you; you did these things and expected nothing in return._

I’m really glad I came to America. I met lots of people.

And more than anything, I met you

_i think you have it wrong eiji, you didn't meet me, i met you. i was granted the opportunity to meet the most wonderful person in the universe eiji; you. i got to meet you and spend so much time with you, though i wish we had longer, i wish i could've had a moments extra. ash shook his head at these thoughts, now isn't the time for wishes idiot. ash sighed, i am glad you came to america._

You asked me over and over if you scared me. But I never feared you, not once.

_the things that i would give to hear you say those words to me again, eiji, just one more time._

_'i'm not scared of you'_

_ash had tears building in his eyes as eiji's words played over and over in his mind._

_you were truthful to me about that eiji, so very truthful._

What’s more is you’re hurt much more than me. I couldn’t help feeling that way.

Funny, huh?

_no matter how much i was hurting inside, i would endure anything to make sure you were safe. i would do anything to ensure that you would never experience so much as a glimpse of pain throughout the rest of your life, out of everyone in the world, you deserve it the most. you deserve it because you did what no one else dared to do, you helped me without wanting anything in return. you cared for me without wanting something back. you loved me without thinking of what could come._

You’re way smarter, bigger, and stronger than me. But I always felt like I had to protect you. I wonder what it is I wanted to protect you from.

_myself. you wanted to protect me from myself eiji. you knew i would give it all up for you and, in the end, i did._

_and you wanna know the worst part?_

_i would do it all again in a heartbeat._

I wanted to protect you from fate.

_fate is such a funny thing eiji. you never know what it's going to lead you to. who would have known that you hurting your ankle while pole vaulting would lead to all of this. if someone would have told me our story a year ago i would have scoffed in their face and told them to leave._

_now, however, i wish i could go back to a year ago and do every thing again._

_have you come into my bar for the first time, have you look directly into my eyes for the first time, hear your laugh for the firs time, kiss you for the first time._

_i wish i could go back to a year ago and do it all again._

The fate that tries to carry you away, drifting further and further.

_as i said my dearest eiji, fate is a funny thing, no matter how far you think i've strayed, i'm always going to be by your side._

You told me once about a leopard you read in a book. How you believed that leopard knew that it couldn’t go back.

And I said you weren’t a leopard, that you could change your destiny.

_Ash found a small smile on his face, that damned leopard._

_as much as i wanted to believe you eiji, i couldn't. i could never accept the idea that maybe, just maybe, my life could be something more. that's probably what lead me to this, to here, to now._

You’re not alone. I’m by your side.

_you're not alone. i'm by your side._

My soul is always with you.

_and mine with you._

— Eiji Okumura

— _ash lynx_


End file.
